Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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