He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
