We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
