How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
