I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
