Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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