oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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