My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
