They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
MIDGETS
????
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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