There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
