Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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