3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize