I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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