I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
