Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
