Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize