I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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