I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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