Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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