My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize