Only a mothe r could love this liver
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
