you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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