did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
