So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize