Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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