I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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