yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize