Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
