4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
