You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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