If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
