So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
