4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
