1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
