her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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