when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
