Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize