we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
