i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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