final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
