Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
