My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
