Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
