In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
