Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
