There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
