It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
