HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
