you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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