i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
