She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
