It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
