I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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