i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
