update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
