this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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