Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
