belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
