she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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