If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
