So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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