Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why did my mother make you get naked?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
