What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
