You just made me feel so damn special
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
