My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
