you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
