woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
