Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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