I wish i was in the wii world.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize