so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What a dumb baby whore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
