I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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