The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am one with the molecules
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize