I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
