True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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