Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
