Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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