he puts the penis in happiness.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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