some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize