a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
