you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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