Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
