took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bring me that man meat
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
