Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
