At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
