Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize