Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
