I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
