im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
