trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
