you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i now understand why vodka
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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