He felt like a one man threesome
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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