Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
