Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
