I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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