cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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