Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize