I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
