i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
