I think im going to throw up on grandma
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i've created a new STD.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
