I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
