I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
